I wrote this like in December 09 on a very frustrated Friday evening. I forgot to post this and found it in my drafts. So I thought I'll just complete it and post it today, cause you know, I am still NOT doing much work. Mai, if you're reading this, you know I luv ya! :)
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I always have people around me. All the time. Invariably all the time.
I live in a PG and so the concept of home is a little skewed when you to apply it to me. And the reason I live here away from beautiful, beautiful, beautiful Pondichéry (read as : my flat, amma, appa, my room...everything MINE) is for my work. I guess you would know that by now IF you have read my first post.
And it was my call. No one had any say in it.
Inspite of all this I always have people around me.
At office...hell, yeah!
In my PG...yup, mostly!
See, the last sentence that ended with "mostly" is the issue at hand now.I have this whole lonely-but-fighting-it-like-a-martyr attitude that pretty much drives everyone up the wall. Sometimes I end up irritating myself! Is that even possible? With me…Yeah!
So, this evening is one such day I guess. Just ordered for home-delivery from Mast Kalandar and waiting. It's just ironic that its a Friday and to top that, we have our year-end-bash at office which I ditched for certain "noble" reasons.
I’m trying to make plans with Mai for the weekend but she is incognito. Somewhere with KB I guess. She’s lucky she has KB. That too in Bangalore. That too in her office. That too in her team. I know I shouldn’t put kannu on my own friend, but I just cant help it. With VJ being so far away, life is very unfair.
And I am also particularly irritated with her cause she does this disappearing act pretty often nowadays. About the weekends, oh don’t get me started. I can go on and on and on. But I know, again, that I shouldn’t do that. I mean I have no legitimate claim on her. But still, it feels lonely and I feel blue and when I am like this I only think of myself. Everyone else be dammed! I mean, unless they are going to give me company and cheer me up.
That brings me to the title, can you buy company? I ask this cause you know if I want to meet any of my friends, I have to call and make plans and fix the date and the time and the place and decide on every other bloody thing. What happened to just calling them and telling them to meet you. And Mai also clearly told me to inform her “in advance” cause well she has KB, S1, S2…and a whole bunch of other people who keep vying for her company. Aaargh! I met her first! Hence I have more right on her! To hell with the others. :(
There is this one sane part in me (Shocked? Yeah, I know. It happens.) that keeps telling me I shudn’t think like that. But no use, my insane part is bigger in size and influence so this possessive streak in me is incurable. Deal with it. Cause I am trying to deal with it myself. So you get no exception either. I wonder if I will ever find a person whom I can be as possessive as I want to and still not get lectured about and not feel guilty about and well just be the possessive me and still feel liked and wanted and all that. Pathetic huh? Go take a hike you bozo!
Why should I buy the company of my friends? Why cant I just want it and they grant it for me? I mean I do it for them. Is it so selfish to expect it from others when you do it for them? I know its not selfish! But still, is it? And whats with all the guilt people try to inflict on you when you want something? I hate such puritan preaching idiots. I could just punch them in their face. I do not think that suffering is a way to attain salvation. Ugh!
So do you have to buy company too? Let me know…I may feel a little kindred…instead of like the odd one...
I wonder when this guy from Mast Kalandar is gonna come? No, no, I dint mean it like that. I mean to deliver my dinner, you know.
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