Tuesday, April 8, 2008

Mum "NOSE" Best! I

As a kid, I was quite the little devil brat who drove my mom up the wall every single day. From the day that I swallowed a hair band and gasped for air to the day that my sister popped a small pebble into my mouth cause my mom once made the careless mistake of telling her that pebbles look like chocolates and the one historic day when it rained and I slipped out of the house to the terrace, promptly climbed on to the parapet wall, held on to a pipe and trilled in my sweetest voice to " Oh ho megam vanthathu..." !!! You see I couldn't forget the vivid picture that Revathy made while dancing to that song in Mouna Raagam. After all, I was just 5!

After such near-death situations in which my mom must have died a few hundred deaths, she decided to lay down the rules. Thus came into existence our own version of "8 Simple Rules". Only, there weren't 8 rules...there were a 100! And they weren't rules either...just my mom's way of letting me and my sister know the "consequences" of our actions. I am listing few of those here. So, here goes!

I – Poori Paati:
Always take small sips of water between your food otherwise you will choke to death with the food getting congested in your chest!

Before: I used to stuff food down my willing throat!
After: To this day, I drink water more than I eat! *gulp*

II – Light-ning Effects!
Don’t watch the lightning when it’s raining, you will become blind.

Before: I’ve even given her some mild shocks by looking out the window and turning to her after a vicious flash spread thru the sky to ask: Amma, enga irukka? Enakku onnume theriyala...ellamae iruttu a irukku!” (Mom, where are you? I can’t see anything…everything is dark!).
After: I still look out!

III – Gypsy Girl!
Don’t hang upside down, your brain will become damaged and you will be deranged.

Before: I used to sit on the sofa facing the back-rest and bend outward to lower myself upside down and watch TV.
After: I get a nice feeling doing it once in a while! :P

IV – Apple of my EYE!
Don’t rub your eyes. Your eyelids will stick to each other.

Before: Well, as a kid I had this horrible allergy to chalk powder. My eyes would become red and puffy and swollen and watery. I never gave up!
After: I used to walk like a soldier with my hands held rigidly to my sides.

V – Sweet Tooth
If you swallow a toffee, it will clog your stomach and you will eventually die.

Before: I love popping them into my mouth. And so as to beat my sister and eat more than her (you see, it was my sweet tooth which made me crave!) I would swallow many of them.
After: I tried my best not to swallow them *gulp* and I spent many a night without even closing my eyes for fear that the toffee would clog my stomach and I would die in my sleep !

All mom's come up with such scary tales to keep their kids at arms length. But my poor amma had to go the extra-mile just so I wouldn't end up killing myself in one of my many pranks! There are more to come on this topic...so keep watching this space! :)


saradindu said...

am i gonna be the first one to comment on this..wow a privilage i must say... anywz lets jump on to business..lets start with good things first...beautiful blend of sarcasm and sensitivity in describing her mom's (actually every other mom's)petty but really breathtaking fears, that have a knack of coming true. never once throughout the piece does her sarcasm takes the centrestage over her mom's fears.the writing is very vivid and visible making it a treat to read.the usage of before and after in mentioning the rules was a smart trick. ditto for the topics given to each rule, smart tacky and to the point.. pretty gud huh...now the bad things..the first para should have had something from your mom's side.. i mean the vividness of your writing would not have been reduced if you would have mentioned your moms reaction to the devillish things you did...now the second para..very ordinary.. when u emphasise on something like "8 simple rules" like the way you did make sure 8 are there..my point is not about counting the rules, its about the fact that you should not have put stress on the digit 8. The rules would have been more interesting if you would have used the words always,don't etc in caps..(but its only a suggesstion, not a comment from my side)next.. the most important thing.. you have to understand that when you are putting something as a smart and tacky input to your piece, you have to keep it short. [the before and after sections ought to have been shortened]. there is a reason for this also, this gives u the opportunity to include more smart tacky things in your piece thus raising the overall bar..In the last para you end up comparing your mom with other's mom.the comparision is spread over two sentences. that is a sign of an insensitive comparision. a sensitive comparision is where you finish your comparision in one sentence and get on with it.
now dont get agitated on the bad aspects that i have pointed out.. the piece was pretty good.. i'd give it 6-7/10 anyhow.. and yes the usage of the word piece is solely intended to "get in your skin" ha ha ha.. anywz good work.. keep it up.. (keep the bad comments in mind)

The Icicle said...

well well...you seem to have spend quite sometime in drafting this comment...
and i'll just remember all that's nice and ignore all that's bad... :P

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