Buying Company

I wrote this like in December 09 on a very frustrated Friday evening. I forgot to post this and found it in my drafts. So I thought I'll just complete it and post it today, cause you know, I am still NOT doing much work. Mai, if you're reading this, you know I luv ya! :)

-------------

I always have people around me. All the time. Invariably all the time.

I live in a PG and so the concept of home is a little skewed when you to apply it to me. And the reason I live here away from beautiful, beautiful, beautiful Pondichéry (read as : my flat, amma, appa, my room...everything MINE) is for my work. I guess you would know that by now IF you have read my first post.

And it was my call. No one had any say in it.

Inspite of all this I always have people around me.

At office...hell, yeah!

In my PG...yup, mostly!

See, the last sentence that ended with "mostly" is the issue at hand now.I have this whole lonely-but-fighting-it-like-a-martyr attitude that pretty much drives everyone up the wall. Sometimes I end up irritating myself! Is that even possible? With me…Yeah!

So, this evening is one such day I guess. Just ordered for home-delivery from Mast Kalandar and waiting. It's just ironic that its a Friday and to top that, we have our year-end-bash at office which I ditched for certain "noble" reasons.

I’m trying to make plans with Mai for the weekend but she is incognito. Somewhere with KB I guess. She’s lucky she has KB. That too in Bangalore. That too in her office. That too in her team. I know I shouldn’t put kannu on my own friend, but I just cant help it. With VJ being so far away, life is very unfair.

And I am also particularly irritated with her cause she does this disappearing act pretty often nowadays. About the weekends, oh don’t get me started. I can go on and on and on. But I know, again, that I shouldn’t do that. I mean I have no legitimate claim on her. But still, it feels lonely and I feel blue and when I am like this I only think of myself. Everyone else be dammed! I mean, unless they are going to give me company and cheer me up.

That brings me to the title, can you buy company? I ask this cause you know if I want to meet any of my friends, I have to call and make plans and fix the date and the time and the place and decide on every other bloody thing. What happened to just calling them and telling them to meet you. And Mai also clearly told me to inform her “in advance” cause well she has KB, S1, S2…and a whole bunch of other people who keep vying for her company. Aaargh! I met her first! Hence I have more right on her! To hell with the others. :(

There is this one sane part in me (Shocked? Yeah, I know. It happens.) that keeps telling me I shudn’t think like that. But no use, my insane part is bigger in size and influence so this possessive streak in me is incurable. Deal with it. Cause I am trying to deal with it myself. So you get no exception either. I wonder if I will ever find a person whom I can be as possessive as I want to and still not get lectured about and not feel guilty about and well just be the possessive me and still feel liked and wanted and all that. Pathetic huh? Go take a hike you bozo!

Why should I buy the company of my friends? Why cant I just want it and they grant it for me? I mean I do it for them. Is it so selfish to expect it from others when you do it for them? I know its not selfish! But still, is it? And whats with all the guilt people try to inflict on you when you want something? I hate such puritan preaching idiots. I could just punch them in their face. I do not think that suffering is a way to attain salvation. Ugh!

So do you have to buy company too? Let me know…I may feel a little kindred…instead of like the odd one...

I wonder when this guy from Mast Kalandar is gonna come? No, no, I dint mean it like that. I mean to deliver my dinner, you know.

----------

Zing!!!

You know how my office has these cool coffee corners, that I insist on calling coffee bars (cause that’s where I get to gossip with my friends), where we have two different coffee machines, one vending machine, biscuits, instant soups and a cola machine. You don’t? Ok, now you know. However, the tea and coffee there don’t have the same “zing” feeling. You know, the “zing” feeling? The one you get when you take your first sip of the first coffee/tea of the day? Well, its kinda like the tea/coffee goes to your head instead of down your throat and to your tummy. The coffee bar ones don’t have the “zing” and well, I guess I came to terms with that considering everything was oasey (free).

Yesterday I came in early and then realized the meeting at 10 AM was cancelled. I was sooooo mad! I had to run out of my house without time to pack my breakfast for my 7:20 AM shuttle, which by the way has been moved to 7:30 AM. And did I mention without packing my breakfast? Anyways, I went to the canteen and ordered a plain cheese sandwish (I know!) and then saw this other guy order masala chai and I errr immediately changed my order also to include a masala chai.

There is no describing the “zing” I got when I took that divine first sip. Aaaah! It was more like “ZING” in WORD 72 Font Size, bold, underlined, italicised and in RED. Wow! I fell in love with it! It was sooooo amazing.

The 10 AM meeting I told you about? It got moved to today. I came in early again but this time got my breakfast packed. I was sitting here a few minutes ago arguing with myself whether I should go “buy” the tea or make do with the oasey tea/coffee. But, the greedy-foodie (cool word na?) that I am, the next minute I was in a lift that was taking me to the 6th floor. Since I dint have change (which is always) I had a Rs.10 note with me and then an idea struck. I ordered two teas and asked the guy to pour it in a juice glass. He gave me a weird look. And two guys and one lady next to me in the line gave me even super weirder looks. It was so hilarious! Of course, I have no qualms when it comes to food and proudly carried (yes, not hold; it was huge so I had to carry it) my juice glass filled with tea. When I turned to move out of the queue, everyone took a step backwards like I was Godzilla or something. Cha…people are so weird na? I know!

So my next task was to safely make it back to my desk, with the juice glass full of tea that had every danger of spilling with even the slightest hint of a jolt. And if Kupy is reading this, she would definitely and literally be rolling-on-the-floor-with-laughter. It’s a well known fact in my family that I am the most clumsy grandchild that the entire clan has seen. Some people have even enquired to my mom whether I was dropped on my head or had some such accident that had rendered me totally off-balance. With such genes against me, it was a great feat in itself to reach my desk without getting any tea on me or the floor or the carpet or someone else! I managed very well; through the door and through the lift. When I reached my floor, I gave a happy sigh and was just about to come out of the lift when this @#$%$%&$@!# guy comes rushing in…aaargh! But…nothing was lost! My spidey peripheral vision had somehow made me involuntarily side step and hence the tea and I were safe. :P

I just finished my tea and truth be told…my tummy feels a little too full. Kupy, stop laughing. I think I’ve learnt my lesson. Or have I? Hmmm…

Excerpts from DEAR DIARY...

I am rudely awakened at 6:33 AM to Mai’s voice shouting “DID YOU SWITCH ON THE WATER????” Apparently, Bangalore had some water problem and our tank had run dry. So there is a mad rush for us girls to get ready for office. I try to go back to sleep again but there is just way too much noise! At one point, I am so frustrated that I felt like crying. I had crashed at 3AM the previous night and wanted to sleep in but I couldn’t. Then RR comes to my room asking if she could take bath in our loo and I very grumpily agree that she can do whatever she wants as long as I can get some sleep! I know, so bad na. If you’re in my place, then you’ll know.

---

Finally managed to get myself out of the house in time for my late shuttle. I am still mostly sleep walking. Anyways, reached office and quickly got to work doing a lot of odd end stuff that needed my attention.

---

I am fasting. The last sensible meal I had was the previous day’s lunch. My mind is playing games with me and my tummy was his co-conspirator. OK, I have no idea why I just referred to my mind as a “HIM”. Weird huh? Maybe I should take some stupid FB quiz about my brain.

---

Oooh…FB! I haven’t logged in for a while. Well, important things shouldn’t be left undone. Hmm…nothing great. No one writes on my wall and I don’t get stupid “fraandship” requests anymore. Should I be happy or sad?

---

OK…my mind and tummy won. I make plans with Mai for dinner after my puja at the temple and her guitar class with her weird-young-teacher.

---

I am blog-hopping. Read a lot of Entha Hotness. No, no, no…it is NOT some porn blog. It’s this really wild and funny dame who writes about such hilarious things that sounds like most of us when we talk to ourselves in our mind. Wat? You don’t do that? Huh! OK…I talk to myself a lot and I feel kindred reading her blog.

---

VJ comes online. He finds our chats very amusing nowadays as I’ve started swearing a lot. Only in special characters though. He keeps encouraging me to swear more and lose the special characters. (Note to self: Beware! Don’t listen to VJ.) Anyways, we had this conversation about how weird our lives are and how I make HIS life weirder. Go to hell, I say! Huh!

---

AJ is having a lot of morning sickness. Poor AJ! I wish I could do something for her. So I accompany her to the coffee corner and try to make her eat 3 dosas that her mom had packed for her. I make a bad choice and take some badam milk from the counter. Really bad choice. The milk stinks and the powder makes it stink even more. And it definitely didn’t help that AJ was right next to me downing her yummy home-made lunch of dosas with sambhar and chutney. Aaargh! I wish I could eat. :( I am so very very very sorry Pillaiyarappa. :( I am a very good girl. I dint mean to think like that. :(

---

Hmmm…I just realize I haven’t done any work after 1:00 PM and its almost 3. And I also forgot to log in for an info-session. Rolu is making eyes at me to login before anyone notices. So I dial in like a good team player and put the phone on mute. Entha Hotness and the screen-share of the info-session are vying for space in my chotu monitor :P

---

It’s almost 4 and my mentor calls me for a short sync. I asked for the sync the previous day and remembered that I really had something important to clarify with her.

---

I am back after around 30 mins. Felt nice making my mind work for a change. I guess it’s because my mentor is great. I really like her. Though, I can’t believe she is a Virgo. I’ve never really liked Virgo’s before.

---

It’s almost 4:30 PM. Another 30 mins and I need to run for my bus. I decide to work on two action items from my sync and dutifully shoot out some emails. I’m listening to that song from Omkara. That lori thing that Ajay Devgan sings. It’s kinda cute.

---

YAWN! Almost 5...and A’s voice over the music to ask about some issue is slightly irritating me. Actually, no highly irritating me. I reply as calmly as possible and get back to my mails.

---

I decide to finally pack up. Since AJ took the day off after lunch, there really is no one to say BYE to. I walk by my mentor’s desk with a small bye and amble along to my bus. It’s almost empty and I choose my fav seat and settle down with my radio.

---(PTO)---

I have so many other things to write…but WORD tells me I am in “PAGE: 3 of 3” so I think I should save it for another post. Do come back! The next one is funny, I promise. Really.

Title? Aaargh...I don't know...

So...I just got back from some time off work. Personal reasons. Period.

And I'm finding it really difficult to adjust myself to my work now. I wake up every morning and lie in bed, staring at the ceiling and making a list of "I should not go to work today because...". So anyways, the weekend did its magic as usual and I am a little better this week. I am guessing it's because of the appraisal stuff thats going on and I see everyone in my team being extra-nice to the umm "the important people" and CCing "them" in all the bloody mails they send out. It is so freaking funny.

I, for one, am still a little lost...so I'm just keeping afloat. Yesterday happened to be Sankatahara Chaturthi. And I realised that at like 2 AM the previous night (or early morning that day. Watever). I was up until late Monday with a horrible, horrible headache trying to figure out a way to write two sensible lines in conclusion for my essay and took a break to walk around the room and flipped the calendar to February and saw the fluorescent green highlighted day. I felt so sad. ( I used too many "and" in the last sentence. I know.) Sad? Why? Well, I decided to start my "no food after 7 PM" diet beginning Feb 1. Actually it was supposed to be Jan 1. But New Years is always such a depressing time that I ended up bingeing for a week and then totally gave up during Sankrathi. So Feb 1 was supposed to be my version of errr Jan 1. And I had just had a bowl of Honey Loops and a glass of milk on Monday night. I really felt sad.

So I guess I had a very guilt-ridden day yesterday. I had these odd rumblings in my tummy like that Knorr soup kid and kept daydreaming about masala dosa. I dint dare to go anywhere near the canteen cause seriously, I wouldn’t trust myself when I have such cravings. Believe me, you haven’t seen me when I’m on a binge. In the end, I decided to stop feeling guilty about keeping such a fast and called up Mai for a dinner rendezvous at A2B. The mere prospect of making such a plan made me feel a little better and dulled the tummy rumblings. So the rest of my day went by without much problem.

What with the guilt-trip and the tummy rumblings and the dinner plans…god, I was so busy. I had no time to do anything else. So I did what any good blogger does, I went blog hopping. I read so many blogs and so many posts that I felt so wasted. Overall, it was a good day I guess. Oh, did I mention that I did NO WORK the whole day?

Neuroticism

You feel anxiety, and you worry often. Your anxiety can make you emotionally unstable, and you're more likely to struggle with depression and sadness. You are more likely to interpret ordinary situations as threatening, and minor frustrations as hopelessly difficult. This can lead to physical ill health.

Happy New Year everyone... ;)

Present

We played Secret Santa in office today. There was a wild scramble to leave office early yesterday after we got the mail saying that we were supposed to get gifts today! And of course, the ubiquitous coffee mug (masquerading as the ) had already made its rounds when we had nervously picked out random names.

I got a guy...drat! Its so difficult to shop for guys. :( But of course, I knew this guy and I also knew that he had a sweet tooth. Wait...no, he has sweet teeth. So of course, I just got him a gift pack of Homemade Chocolates.

So, we all met today in a meeting room and put our gifts on the table wondering which brightly wrapped package was ours. For my part, I thought it would really be wierd to be exchanging gifts in that way. And I was surprised at how much I enjoyed myself. I felt like I had time-travelled back to my school days where this game was played akin to some holy ritual.

I got a little ceramic jewel box. And it had a mirror too on the inside. So now I don't have to scramble for my purse everytime I need to do a check on me poor face. :)

P.S.: Oooh...the female who actually organised the so-called event was real chalu. She picked out the senior mgr's name before the mug made its round and gifted her something way out of budget. Ugh! I hate such boot licking!

Comfort Food

It's what you think of when you're so tired (physically/mentally) for any reason whatsoever.

The concept of Comfort Food did not exist at all in my life until I started staying alone. There was no need for something like Comfort Food at home when you invariably always had the best meals 365 days of the year. Of course, I never acknowledged it much in those days. However, I do, now.

Living alone can have its disadvantages when you need something in your tummy to quell that head-ache (or heart-ache!) that feels like it houses millions of Liliputs with sledge-hammers. And so your options to zero-in on the one Comfort Food thats easy on your time, abilities and the resources-at-hand can be quite an adventure-trip on its own.

Before I settled down with the-most-satisfactory-amongst-all-avaliable one for myself, I experimented with lots of other options.

1. Soup - its the darndest easiest thing you can make.

2. Curd Rice with maangai oorkai - :) this is for the Southie in me

3. Biscuits - yuck! I had to try this to know that I am soooo NOT a biscuits person.

4. Maggi - thanks to hunderds of mail-chains, this one is now buried with a RIP headstone in my options-graveyard.

5. Eggs - boiled, fried, poached, scrambled...thousands of variations. Plus the smell kinda puts me off on some days.

6. Upma - again, the Southie in me I guess. But of course, never worked out. Too much of pre-preparation with the slicing and dicing and sauteing. Definitely not a contendor.

7. Porridge - this one is a YUCK! option. Anything that has unflavoured sweetened milk is something that totally gives me the creeps.

8. Salad - definitely NOT! It just depresses you even more.

9. Fruits - now, see, although this is a very easy-and-quick option; that is the reason why it doesn't measure up. It's just way too easy to grab an apple and eat it. You need something that involves just the right amount of pre-prep work. Definitely not fruits.

10. Home Delivery - well, by the time these guys deliver; you're most probably out of the craving-mode and into the self-prep-talk mode. It's kinda like an anti-climax.

So, after a lot of experimenting, my favorite Comfort Food is :

Hot butter-toast (only apna AMUL!)

It's very, very, very gettable. Our corner mallu-shop always houses Nilgiris wheat/sandwich/sweet bread and AMUL butter. Plus, having a toasty-toaster is a HUGE plus!

Now, there's something to be said about the freebies that you get during the festival-season-sale in India. I remember that our toasty-toaster came with our SAMSUNG washing machine and amma had dumped it in a corner 'cause they hardly eat toast. I picked it up one day and managed to bring it to Bangalore. And what a blessing it has been! Since then, most of us swear by dear toasty-toaster. And he has saved us on many an occasion.

No great pre-prep needed. Just pop the bread in toasty-toaster, slap on the butter and munch away!

...accompanied by tea/coffee in my favorite smiley MUG, of course!

Yup, I don't measure in cups or the ubiquitous Indian tumbler/lota/gillas. When you're down and need cheering up, large doses are the only way to go :)

What if...?

What if... I had made it through for my B.Arch?


What if... I hadn't got into Engg College?


What if... I hadn't got placed through Campus?


What if... I had gotten married early like my sister?


What if... I hadn't have to move to Bangalore for my job?


What if... I had cracked CAT 07?


What if... I had NOT opted for a job change?


What if... I din't get my project assignment in Germany?


What if... EVERYONE had gotten a hike last year?


What if... VJ had never come to Bangalore? Twice?


What if... Nov 10 had gone fine?


What if... Dec 15 does NOT go fine?


What if... Dec 20 is screwed up?


What if... I just stop with these nonsensical questions? :)



Ok...ok...ok...I get the hint! Adios amigos... :P

Who, Me?

OK...so before I begin this post, ignore the last one. I was in the depths of despair on that particular fateful Friday evening. But, to anyone who cares and who is out there and who still reads my blog: All's well dearies, I'm still alive and kicking!

Now, coming back to the topic at hand: today was Sankatahara Chaturthi. No, actually it still is. Anyways, I keep this fast every month for my dearest dearie Pillaiyar saami. He is my favorite God. Know why?

Well, when I was a kid there was this one song that my mom taught us to sing for our daily poojai. It was Kaithala Nirai Kani and somewhere in the lyrics there is mention of appam-aval-pori. The foodie that I was then (and am now), the song became my favorite and so did Pillaiyarappa. Plus, we both shared another love: kozhukattai's.

There is this very funny story about a boy who goes to a relative's house and tastes kozhukattai's for the first time and comes back home to ask his mom to prepare the same for him. The irony being that he can't remember the name of the dish he sampled. And the story also goes on to say how he bugs his mother no end and in her frustration she gives him a good thrash. After she cools down, she laments how she has given her own son bruises that are like kozhukattai's. And then the poor boy finally exclaims saying that that is what he wants.

There were heavy rumours in the family-mill that I was the main character in the story above and the gender was changed to protect my identity. My love for kozhukattai's are that notorious.

So, again, coming back to the main thread. After my fast for Pillaiyarappa, I go to the temple for the poojai and abhishekam to pray and break my fast. As I waited in the line mumbling my slokas and apologising for my mis-deeds and begging for some favours; the arathi started making its rounds. And as usual there was a lot of crowding. An old man standing behind me leaned in a little and said: "Konjam munnadi po ma...illa na arathi kedaikaathu. Poy eduthuko." I thought I would die there. Why you ask?

Well, I live in Bengalooru. I am a Tamilian. And I am no social butterfly. Especially not in the temple circles in Koramangala. Still, you ask, why?

Well, again, for some god-frosaken reason that I have never been able to understand, almost 90% of the people whom I have met here in Bengalooru (be it in office or in my PG or even my dentist) think that I am from North India. When I gently correct them saying that I am a Tamilian. They give me a surprised look and again emphasize how much I look like I am from North India. Meaning it like a compliment. How dare they, huh? Like one of my Periappa would say: "We are deep-south Pillaival tradition people."

My poor amma gives me a sad look whenever this funny issue of mis-identity happens. According to her our Thirunelveli genes runs in my blood. And anyone who sees me should know that. Its so obvious, she says. You have the typical Palayamkottai-side nose. Now, its my turn to be sad. I never thought my own amma would compare my nose to a district in Tamil Nadu. :(

So, for the first time in 3 years that I have moved to Bengalooru someone finally recognised me properly. Was it my cotton salwar? My pottu? My gold earrings? Did my Thirunelveli genes show through in some aspect? Or was it my Palayamkottai-nose? Unfortunately, the old man had disappeared.

Aiyyo Pillaiyarappa, I hope its NOT the nose!!!

WEE Sing Silly Songs...

I was helping out with a little bit of cleaning at home and guess what the beaver dug up?

A set of cassettes with songs, not just songs but WEE Sing songs.

I am not sure how many people would even know about the WEE Sing series in India but my Google search tells me that its quite popular in America. I found many of them in amazon.com by people like me who grew up with the WEE Sing series and were now selling it off. My market survey also alerted me that each of them are worth round about $ 10. Thanks to my numerous NRI relatives, I could actually get a little "dough" by selling them. But, of course, I really don't understand how people can sell such things that are so much more like wonderful memories than just books/tape.

That got me thinking as to which aunt/uncle actually gifted it to us. My mom helped me out by naming a distant aunt whom, unfortunately, I cant remember at all. So I just nodded and started flipping through the book. My mom joined me and I started singing some of them that I remembered...remembered it so vivdly that I was able to sing without looking at the lyrics.

There were three series that we had plus some others. Each song and illustration brought with it a flood of memories that I dint even know I would remember. I do remember some things from my childhood conciously and then there are these memories; lost somewhere deep down in my tiny brain. I felt a little dazed for sometime as I sat there with my mom. I felt like I had time-travelled back to about 18 years ago and there I was with my mom and KUPY, singing and prancing around the house in an utterly un-self-concious way that only kids that age can.

It felt very, very different feeling that way. I dint want to let go of her.

For the sake of being able to re-visit this memory again without actually needing the book/tape (my mom has now locked it in our safe becasue she feels that doing so would help her somehow also lock up her two little girls who have now moved out) - I thought I'll leave in a song here that was one of KUPY's favorite. She used to love singing this song and actually the beaver also dug up a tape with recordings of KUPY and myself singing many of these songs with a lot of talking and giggling in between :)

---Nobody Likes Me---

Nobody likes me,
Everybody hates me,
Guess I'd go eat worms.
Long, thin, slimy ones,
Short, fat, juicy ones,
Itsy, bitsy, fuzzy, wuzzy worms.

Down goes the first one,
Down goes the second one,
Oh, how they wriggle and squirm,
Long, thin, slimy ones,
Short, fat, juicy ones,
Itsy, bitsy, fuzzy, wuzzy worms.

Up comes the first one,
Up comes the second one,
Oh, how they wriggle and squirm,
Long, thin, slimy ones,
Short, fat, juicy ones,
Itsy, bitsy, fuzzy, wuzzy worms.


Thanks Pamela and Susan! :)


P.S.: KUPY and I are not Pamela and Susan... :P Pamela Conn Beall and Susan Hagen Nipp are the authors of the WEE Sing series.